Chemo’s nickname is “Trashed”. Tip of the day: Use “EMLA” Lidocaine numbing cream on the port about 30 minutes before you get “stuck”, it’s great!!! (Canshare)
Chemo port joke #1: If you get a chemo port put in, just tell everyone that it’s a microchip, like for your pet. Then, tell them if you become a wandering and lost chemo patient, people can find out who you are by scanning your port. (Canshare/June 2011)
Chemo port joke #2: Let people know that you had an “on and off” button installed for your brain. That way when the world around you becomes annoying during treatments (that happens alot!) just inform those you are with that you are “turning off” now. Then just pretend to go to sleep. (Canshare/June 2011)
Not everyone chooses to get a port. For those of you who don’t, just tell the nurses you’re here for them to “practice their dart throwing skills on your veins”. They’ll appreciate it. (Canshare/June 2011)
Chemotherapy is also a pill form for many of us. I take a drug every day now. I like to think of the pill as a “guided heat seeking missile” out to “destroy those cells that may be left behind”. (Canshare/June 2011)
I.V. poles for chemotherapy are attached to you ALL DAY. I recommend giving the pole a name. Say to people you meet while walking somewhere, “Hi, my name is___________, and this is my chemo pole named _____________”. Be creative and have fun with it. (Canshare/June 2011)
Chemo port warning: Never let ANYTHING hit that chemo port, you will start crying like a baby! If someone thinks it’s funny to punch you on the port, just tell them you get to hit them back, twice as hard! It stings like a hornet when that sucker gets bumped, just so ya know, preparation is key in treatments! So, be prepared!! Ha ha!! (Canshare/June 2011)
I had to go down the hall for the bathroom while getting my chemo treatments. My Dad was helping me down the hall with my pole and I.V. lines, and I pretended that I was a dog and he was “walking me” as we went down the hall. (Matthew Zaluski/Oct 2011)
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Copyright 2011 (The Canshare website and commentary (noted as Canshare) is the intellectual property of Dara Insley.)